What They Did to Us
by No Sleep Until Vacation
Summary: The fandom has its negative points, and Count Bleck and his minions are feeling every bit of the discomfort.
1. Thoughts of a Jester

**A/N: The Mario fandom is beginning to confuse me...of course, the source material rules! (And I know some people who don't act this way...) I'm doing Dimentio's story first since he seems to be the one most affected by this.**

**Disclaimer: While this story does say some negative things about the fandom, I respect our differences and your right to believe in what you want.**

**What They Did to Us**

This was one of those times when Dimentio _wasn't_ smiling.

Instead, his mouth was twisted into an infuriated sneer.

It had been another one of those days...or, to be precise, another one of those _weeks_.

He had been forced to date lots of people, which went entirely against his beliefs. To him, love was only something that could be toyed with to manipulate people. The idea of actually falling in love was enough to irk him.

But it wasn't being in love that made him furious.

It was who he had been forced to date.

One day, he had to date Count Bleck.

Dimentio always seemed to notice that whenever he was forced to date the count, he found himself acting like nothing more than fanservice.

The jester's hands balled into fists. If he had to wear that maid's outfit one more time...

The next day, he found himself dating O'Chunks.

Dimentio's eye twitched.

There was no way in Bonechill's prison he'd want to be with O'Chunks. For one thing, Dimentio didn't want to be with anyone, and O'Chunks was perfectly aware of that. Also, Dimentio knew that O'Chunks was already in love with Nastasia, and the warrior did not, in any way, shape or form, seem like the type of guy who'd cheat.

The next few days after that, Dimentio was forced to date Mimi.

Both of Dimentio's eyes twitched.

Mimi was only a little girl! Not only that, she was a little girl who didn't get along with him! Why did he have to do so many things with her?!

He remembered telling Nastasia about all of the stuff that he and Mimi had been forced into doing.

"What did you guys do?" Nastasia had asked.

Dimentio looked her straight in the eyes.

"Dear Nastasia, I think a better question would be, 'What didn't we do?'" he replied.

Dimentio would never forget what he and Mimi had done, no matter how hard he tried to erase it from his mind.

The last couple of days, Dimentio had to date a couple of people he had never even heard about, let alone met.

...

That did it.

Dimentio screamed, slamming his fists onto the floor.

Why did he always have to be paired up with someone? Couldn't some people just stay single? When did romance begin to rule the world? More importantly, when did it pass a law saying that everyone had to be with someone?

It was so stupid!

However, before Dimentio could plan retaliation, he lost control of both his body and mind.

It was time for the next story to begin.

**A/N: I'm not trying to bash anyone. I'm just worried about what the Super Paper Mario fandom is starting to become.**


	2. Opinions of a Shapeshifter

**A/N: Well, here we go with Chapter 2! This one's about Mimi, but I'm sure you already knew that.**

Flopping onto her bed, Mimi let out a groan.

Sure, she was pretty. But did that really mean she had to serve as fanservice?

It felt as if, at any moment, she would be forced to dress in revealing outfits for other peoples' amusement. Either that, or pose in really suggestive ways.

Remembering these experiences, Mimi made a mental note to herself: Buy outfits that are pretty, but not revealing.

But then it hit her.

The mind control would take over, and she'd soon be doing things that she didn't want to do in reality, no matter how much she protested.

All the relationships she had been forced to take part in didn't help matters. Of course, most of these relationships ended up being unsuccessful, which, for Mimi, was a good thing, since she wasn't actually romantically interested in most of the people she had been forced to go out with.

Most of the time, she ended up with Dimentio, of all people. And sometimes, they'd be forced to take it much further than they wanted to.

Mimi shuddered, remembering the unspeakable thing that a rabid fan had made them do the other day.

There were a few times when she found herself in love with that big ghost guy who wears a party hat. (If she remembered correctly, his name was Doopliss.) Apparently, they had been paired on the sole basis that they were both shapeshifters.

_What kinda logic is that?_ Mimi thought. _That's like saying Francis should be with Tutankoopa just because they both have pet Chain Chomps! ...Wait, what?_

Mimi also remembered being paired with that little green guy who wears a red cape and grins all the time and speaks in a kinda weird way. She could remember him introducing himself as Fawful.

One time, Mimi had even been forced into a relationship with O'Chunks.

And that was pretty much where she realized that things had crossed the line. O'Chunks was a lot of things, but pedophile wasn't one of them. He and Mimi were _friends_, not lovers...besides, he had a crush on Nastasia, and he (being the honorable person he is) would never cheat on her if his life depended on it.

Mimi sighed, pulling the covers over herself, hoping that no one would join her beneath them.

**A/N: Yeah, I've seen at least one fanservice picture with Mimi. (Nothing really inappropriate, though...then again, I don't want to look for inappropriate pictures.)**


	3. Musings of a Secretary

**A/N: Now, I'm gonna write about one of my favorite characters!**

_Another day, another...um...I have no clue anymore._

Nastasia propped herself up against a wall. She never knew what kinds of things she'd be forced into doing next.

To the people who controlled her and her comrades' lives, she was pretty much the "jack of all trades, master of none". She found herself doing many different things, but the people didn't seem to agree on one role for her.

On some days, she'd find herself in fanservice pictures.

The very thought of deliberately appealing to the lowest common denominator was enough to make her groan in disgust. Didn't those dirty-minded people already have enough lewd things to stare at? Why did she have to be forced into doing unspeakable things for people she never even knew existed?!

_I really don't like that Rule 34..._

On other days, she would be forced to act like a huge emo.

To Nastasia, this was incredibly ridiculous. Sure, she was less than happy about the count not choosing to be with her. But as difficult as it was, she was trying to move on, and it was tough to move on when people forced her to mope about how bad life is, be depressed every waking moment, and (worst of all, in her opinion) hurt herself on purpose _or even contemplate suicide_. She may have been unhappy about the count's decision, but she didn't want to kill herself over it!

On the rest of the days, she'd be acting like herself.

Now, she would have been just fine with being herself, but weird things seemed to happen when she did.

Sometimes, everyone (including the people who controlled them) would suddenly hate her. She'd expect Dimentio to hate her (mainly because the jester hated _everyone_), but the count was (much to her dismay) normally indifferent about her, and O'Chunks and Mimi wanted to be her friends (Nastasia even suspected the former of having a crush on her). So theoretically, she thought, only Dimentio should be mean to her. But no! Everyone was suddenly a huge jerk towards her!

And the worst part was that she had usually never been made aware of what she had done to infuriate everyone in the first place...

Other times, everybody would just ignore her. They'd just cast her aside as if she were invisible...

Nastasia noticed that the same thing would also frequently happen to O'Chunks. The secretary believed that they were being pushed to the side so the writers could focus on the sudden, spontaneous romantic relationship between Dimentio and Mimi (much to the extreme chagrin of the latter two). It would only be a matter of time before people would start making references to "Count Bleck and his two minions, a shapeshifting girl and a demented jester", as if nobody had even heard of the secretary and the warrior who helped to keep the team strong.

Heck, even Mr. L, a temporary minion, was becoming more popular than her.

And, of course, there were the obligatory fan pairings. However, unlike Mimi and Dimentio, Nastasia wasn't the most popular character to ship other people with, so she only got to be with a handful of people.

The times when she got to be in a relationship with her beloved count were so few and far between that they were nearly nonexistant. Other times, she'd be with random characters that had just happened to cross her path one day. Usually, said characters would be people she had never met beforehand.

The secretary couldn't help noticing that one of the more popular pairings was her and O'Chunks. While she was still uncertain about the idea of being in love with him, it sort of made sense to her, since the warrior always seemed to act just a little bit more shy and clumsy when around her. He also never showed any form of disrespect towards her (or anyone else who was superior to him, for that matter), so Nastasia was really beginning to believe that the Scotsman had a crush on her.

The secretary sighed, wondering if the people who controlled everyone would ever stop this indecisiveness.

**A/N: Poor Nassy...she needs more love! Why do people like to make fun of her?**


	4. Reflections of a Warrior

**A/N: This chapter contains spoilers for SPM, so read at your own risk if you haven't finished the game! Anyway, this one's about one of my other favorite characters!**

The peaceful silence of one of the castle's rooms was interrupted by an angry growling noise.

O'Chunks, who had made this noise, took a seat in a chair, infuriated by the way things were going.

Out of all the characters, why was _he_ the fandom's personal punching bag? What had he even done to get these people so ticked off at him?! He was a nice person, strong, honorable...

...and anything he knowingly did was nowhere near as bad as what Dimentio had done! Why were people praising Dimentio, even after all of the things he did?

After all, it was Dimentio's fault that all the worlds had almost been destroyed, it was Dimentio's fault that Tippi and Count Bleck had to leave for parts unknown, it was Dimentio's fault that Nastasia had almost been killed...

...

_Nastasia..._

O'Chunks began thinking about his beloved lass. He wanted to be with her so much, and would do anything for her.

Unfortunately, not everyone seemed to realize that he only romantically loved her. The people who controlled everyone from beyond would sometimes pair him with other people.

Sometimes, he'd end up with Mimi, even though he only liked Mimi as a friend.

Other times, he'd be forced to go out with Dimentio, even though they didn't get along well at all.

There were even some times where O'Chunks had to be with a complete stranger. He would never understand why he was suddenly going out with some random stranger that he just met.

O'Chunks even remembered one time where he was forced to be with Bowser.

...and as soon as he remembered it, he wished he hadn't even thought about it in the first place.

This was just one of the ways that the people from beyond would make fun of him. The warrior could also remember being excluded from group photos, having insults (mainly about his apparent lack of intelligence) flung his way, waking up one day to find that everyone and their sister suddenly hated him, even if they were normally friendly towards him...

And, of course, there was the big debate over whether he was Scottish or Irish.

This debate caused O'Chunks to groan. He thought that the gender wars over Vivian and Birdo that he had once heard about were bad enough, now there was a _nationality_ war over him!

From what O'Chunks could remember, his father had once told him that he came from a family of pure Scotsmen. Of course, O'Chunks' father had only told him once, and O'Chunks never got to ask his mother before the war started, so he wasn't sure if he remembered correctly...

But still...why did people like making fun of him? And why were they apparently doing the same thing to Nastasia?

...

O'Chunks quickly slipped back into daydreaming about his sweetheart.

**A/N: Okay, a few things here. First of all, I'm not trying to bash Dimentio; these are just O'Chunks' thoughts. Secondly, I know that these thoughts don't entirely sound like him, but we've only seen his actual speech in the game, so we don't see what's going on in his mind. Third, that whole Scottish/Irish thing. I made up the whole thing about what his father said, just so I can clarify what I think. I know his name sounds Irish, but maybe Nintendo called him that because of how the two nationalities often get confused. So...yeah, I hope you liked this one.**


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